Fidelity

I am not going to write about sex for a long time now. This I had to write because a question sits heavily on my chest and I need to offload it. The question, necessarily asked by women, usually the married ones, is: "What if the man gets to know his wife is doing the same?"

The reference, as you can see, is to men who have no qualms having an extra-marital fling or a relationship. In other words, men who sleep around. And the question is thrown at me because I strongly believe, as may be evident from many of my posts, that the instinct of getting physical with someone does not recognise the barrier of marriage.

Marriage is an institution, perhaps a sacred one; and we all know how boring institutions are, especially the sacred ones. If you went by marriage as defined by these righteous women, then being married is like sitting obediently in a classroom, staring at the blackboard and nowhere else. But wouldn't you also like to hang out in the college canteen and eye the girls?

The point is, it is impossible not to succumb to outside charm if there is a functional brain in the head. It is very human. Men who claim they 100 percent faithful to their spouses are either lying or haven't had the opportunity or are scared of being caught. And women who claim their men are 100 percent faithful are either lying or ignorant.

Scared of being caught: if that's what prevents men (or women) from straying occasionally, I would still consider it as infidelity, because the mind has already strayed. In fact, fear of being caught is, according to me, the biggest reason for spouses remaining loyal, especially in a society like ours where people are nosy. Another reason is love: if you love your wife, you don't really fool around. But every once in a while, the head and the heart refuse to listen to each other.

How a man finds a way out between his urges and fears -- it is entirely upto him. Discretion helps a lot. But those who have to do it, do it anyways. Now, what if they find that their wives are doing the same? When this question is usually thrown at me, the woman on the other end perhaps thinks that I would be stunned, and that there would be lots of background music, Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thhi-style, and that with my head hanging, I would realise my folly and come to senses.

The answer is simple: if the wife wants to be upto something, she will be. The fidelity of her husband will never be a factor in deciding whether she should succumb to the charms of another man. There might be other factors though -- such as the fear of getting caught, or people talking about her, or simply excess love for the husband. But just because a man is loyal is no guarantee that the wife will return the favour.

In my experience, most women who love the attention of men and like to spend time with them are the ones with sweetest hubands -- men who eat on time, sleep on time, make love dutifully on specified days of the week, and buy gifts for their wives and take them on annual holidays.

Women whose husbands are the opposite, the wild sort, spend most of their time keeping their husbands in check -- they are so occupied keeping other women at bay that they are completely oblivious of other men. Even if the other men were to shower attention on her, she would not indulge them, because she knows how terrible insecurity is, and she does not want to subject her husband to the same. Most often, they are the ones to throw the cliched question: "What if the wife did the same?" The question, perhaps, is born out of insecurity. Those secure enough, meanwhile, have all the fun.

Having said that, let me also add that sex, like death, is beyond analysis. You never know how it happens, when it happens and, where it happens.

Before I finish, a few things I did not know about sex but got to know this evening, thanks to Cosmopolitan magazine. Such as:

-- Men as well as women take 11-12 minutes to get aroused.

-- A woman's libido begins to drop once she is in a secure relationship.

-- Vaginal exposure to semen could help improve your mood.

-- The average length of soft penis is about 3 to 4 inches. The average length of an erect penis is about 5 to 6 inches.

-- Women fantasise more during sex than men.

-- Sex reduces joint pains.

-- Women are more likely to lie about their sex lives.

-- Weight-loss increases the apparent length of the penis. For every 35 pounds lost, you are longer by an inch.