Friday, February 10, 2006

Anyone Good, Stable And Eligible?

One of the bloggers I admire, Sharmishta, recently wrote a post where she mentions her second meeting with her fiancee. One of the subjects that came up for discussion during their meeting was "why it is so hard for women to find good, stable, eligible men these days." The sentence instantly made me raise an imaginary hand and proclaim, "Why, I am there! Main hoon na!"

But the sweeping statement was substantiated by solid reasons (stemming from the thoughts of various people) as in how it is difficult indeed for women to find good, stable, eligible men these days. So I tamely withdrew the imaginary hand and placed it under my chin and read on. And now, having read them over and over again, I cannot resist offering the thoughts each of those reasons aroused in my mind. (The points raised in her post are in italics. What follows is my opinion. And when I say 'you', I don't mean Sharmishta but the proponents of the view that how difficult it is these days for women to find men who are good, stable and eligible.)

1. All potent men are dickheads - The Lingam drives their thinking.

That's not only hitting below the belt, but also unfair. If a man does not get a hard on, you call him impotent and dump him. But if he is potent, you call him a dickhead! What is the world coming to? Now, no decent man is going to return the compliment by coining the female equivalent for the term 'dickhead', whatever that maybe (any suggestions, though?); nor is he going to declare in a public space such as the blog as to how the female equivalent of the Lingam drives their thinking. But we all know it, don't we?

2. When speaking of intelligent men, you are actually talking of men who are able to use their brains in addition to their phallus. This has eliminated a significant part of the male population.

In other words, you want a dickhead, as in a guy who knows how to use his dick as well as his head. Now, isn't that asking for too much? Ok, ok, I know what you mean: you want a guy whose head rules his dick and not vice-versa. People whose heads are ruled by their dicks act in porn movies. If you want the best of his brains and the phallus, give him sufficient stimulus and he is all yours.

3. In addition to being dickheads, men never outgrow their breast fixation. Its instinctive -- when they are born, they learn that breasts provide them with food and the fixation just continues beyond infancy.

Rubbish! Personally, I am a great worshipper of the gluteus maximus which, according to me, eventually defines the female form. Breasts are more about size, while the butt is about shape. And shape matters.

4. Most people who can stop obsessing about breasts for short periods of time do so because they are in the rat race and have to go to work, where their fetishes are interrupted by bouts of worrying about how to pay the next month's EMI or how to save for a rainy day and all that.

In the age of multi-tasking, it is possible to work and also think about breasts. And who is he saving or paying the EMIs for anyway? Isn’t it for the woman he is going to marry?

5. Men who work because they want to, where they want to and when they want to (in short, smart men) have a lot of time on their hands to read stuff and this becomes a problem. They read up on a lot of stuff including Freud, Carl Jung, et al and also that really interesting story about how the cuckoo lays its eggs in the crow's nest and the crows take care of hatching the eggs while the cuckoo is busy hatching eggs elsewhere. Reading all these stories gives them ideas about how to live their own lives - if they are smart, they generally are able to execute these ideas very well, which makes them avoid commitments and long-term relationships till they grow old or bored or lonely or impotent or catch HIV or some other disease or die in testesterone-driven accidents (driving fast, or skiing on the Alps or some such thing), at which point, if they are still alive, they decide that its time for them to marry.

You have a point. Beware of such men. They are obsessed about themselves. They break hearts and women mourn them all their lives. Of late I have seen a number of women writing sad posts about how they lost ‘A’, ‘B’, ‘C’ (the man is usually referred by the first letter of his name).

6. Women who, eventually, do get married to such men realize that they are not fun at all and end up having affairs with other "Single, Smart, Good Looking, Emotionally-stable, Financially-secure and Intelligent Men (not) looking for a long-term commitment - in short, men described in point 5 above.

Didn’t I just warn you? By now you should have realised that men who work and pay EMIs and obsess about boobs in their free time are worth marrying. But remember: the grass is always greener on the other side. Those who marry heads look out for a dick; and those who marry dicks look out for a head.

Now why it is so hard for men to find "good, stable, eligible women these days"? I haven't found one yet.


Visithra said...

the pendulum swings both ways - some search n search - some find it so easily - must be luck and its rotten taste for irony.

Deepa Bhasthi said...

Good one.
i got this sms a few days ago. "It is so hard to wait for the right man in life....especially when all the wrong ones are so damn handsome!"
though i dont agree totally with Sharmishta, it is hard to find good men. maybe we women need to redefine "good, stable, single" men

Maya said...

BG, haven't you heard - the good ones are taken...'Nuf said :)

Anonymous said...

Some body had told me that when the right person comes, you just know!;-)
Good or no good is very subjective. Hope you find you kind of "good, stable, eligible woman" soon. :-)

Arundhati said...

Enjoyed this one a LOT, tiger!
Dickhead = man who can use his dick AND his head! ...LOL!!! I was laughing when I read that.

Though, well, being a woman, I would like to subscribe to Sharmishta's views, still I get you point!

Jo said...

i guess i ll go for the 5 th one...pretty fantastic. if you are the sort of woman who doesnt want long term commitments then i dont think there is any need to mourn...well nice piece BG