Thursday, February 19, 2009

Love And Lingerie

The Google-talk status message of a colleague wonders, "If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" I don't know if that line is borrowed or fresh off his head, but watching it for the past few days has set me wondering.

Actually, there is nothing to wonder here. Love may be blind, but sex definitely isn't. For the fire to be kindled, you need to see and be seen. Many men go wild seeing their women in sexy lingerie -- at least many women believe so. Though, personally speaking, I don't see why so much of thought and money should be spent on something that is meant to be taken off anyway. It can, in fact, irritate the hell out of you if the lingerie doesn't come off on time. That way, the lingerie is the least significant part of a man-woman relationship. And that is the fact.

If lingerie matters so much, that's because the woman wants to look good to herself and feel good for herself. It's one of those moments when she dresses, rather undresses, for herself. She knows very well that this fine art of self-indulgence is lost on the lecherous man, who is dying for the underwear to come off. Love is not at all in the picture here. Not even lust, because when you are overpowered by lust, it does not matter one bit whether the lingerie is bought from the pavement in Ranganathan Street or from Marks & Spencer. It's just vanity at play.

As for love being blind, there can't be anything more laughable than that. A man notices a woman at a wedding: he likes her eyes, he likes her hair, he likes her smile, he likes her innocent face. He notices her the whole evening, even though she might be oblivious of his stare, and by midnight he is in love. Ditto for a woman: she has male this colleague who is a great worker and has a great sense of humour and a cute smile and a cute butt. And he is single -- or maybe not. Even before she realises, she is madly in love with him.

In each case, a strong eyesight has been the primary requirement for falling in love. And to call love blind?

But the truest kind of love, however, is blind. That's the love you have for yourself. Self-love. You can go to any extent to make yourself feel loved. You go to any extent to get the woman your desire, only because you love yourself. You go to any extent to get the man you desire because you love yourself so much that you hate the idea of another woman having him. If you love someone, you wouldn't want them for yourself -- you would just let them be. But then, we want to own them -- as if they were a car or an expensive fountain pen or a diamond pendant. What happens to the blindness theory? If anything, it's lust that is blind.

Come to think of it, in most love marriages, it's only narcissism at play. Both, the man and the woman, bask in the fact that they have been found desirable -- or acceptable -- by each other. It's only a matter of time before the narcissists in the man as well as the woman are challenged, and then the marriage settles into a routine or, in worst cases, breaks up.

As far as arranged marriages go, you have no choice but to 'love' your spouse, do you? 'Loving' your spouse, in such cases, is like making a refreshing cup of coffee for your soul and dignity, doesn't matter if you are at times tempted by the paani-puri being sold next door. But then, paani-puri is bad for health, it might cause cholera; so stick to the steaming cup of coffee.

Yet, there can love between a man and a woman. Such love, for which you willingly make sacrifices and forget your own self, happens over a period of time. A time comes when she is blind to his generous paunch, and he finds her sagging breasts just as sexy. And they walk together every morning in the park, incomplete without each other. That's when love becomes truly blind.

In other words, what you think is love, is usually not love. It's most often a cocktail of lust and self-love, with a dash of sympathy and kindness. Blind love is something that is earned, over the years. Even then, every time you go out for a walk, lust and self-love chase you like hawkers determined to sell their wares. Unless you are so old that you know there's no hope. Unless, of course, you are a Sean Connery or an Elizabeth Taylor.

15 comments:

Archi said...

Hmmm quite true…. This turned me on.... I really like the way you put up your thoughts… :)

And after reading this the very first thing which i did was---- (no prize for guessing)---- i read my G talk status msg.

hems said...

Well written!!

I did happen to see that same quote somewhere recently and it made me smile. Your blog though, has got me thinking.

I agree with you when you say lingerie matters so much to the woman because she wants to look good to herself, for herself! I would also say that it does add 'value' to the whole lovemaking experience.

As for love being blind or not, perhaps it depends on the kind of person you are. Some people are the visual kinds, while others may be auditory or kinesthetic. So that would play a part in deciding what works for you!

Also, except for the really rare kind of love - love at first sight - where obviously love is not blind, I believe real love takes time and grows better with age :)

Thanks once again, for sharing!

The Ugly One said...

are we not publishing it? i think, you should. loved it.

Anonymous said...

Read this somewhere - Love is not blind, lovers are!

Anu Russell said...

Hey Bishy...nice one...

Ok here is my take on it...I agree with everything you said...infact the husband and I are together only because we fell in love with the way the other looked before we really liked the person behind the mask...

But in that I do think love is blind because...I did not care about his mother tongue, religion, caste, likes and dislikes when I accepted his proposal to be his girlfriend...you know what I mean?

Only after two weeks of dating him did I know he was konkani (I still did not know what Konkani was...I am from T.Nadu remember?) and where he was from and so on and on...

So I do think love turns a blind eye to that...

but on the other hand if you are materialistic...you chase the moneybag and ignore the looks or turn a blind eye to the persons physical attributes as well as personal characteristics...

IMHO

Love
Anu

Nice post and enjoyed reading it as always...and I am glad to see that you are back!!! don't go away!

Anonymous said...

I fell in love with his writting first. Had no clue about his age, looks or nature. For nearly 2 years I it continued this way. Reading his columns, discussing the issues he wrote about with friends. On an impluse, I just typed his mail id one afternoon and to my delight I found him online!! There was no stopping us from then on! Chat all day and talk all night. Remember we had not seen each other. Is this blind love? I don't care, I love him nevertheless.

colourmewhite said...

The best things in life come in the nude and for free :)

Kasturi said...

Blind love is something you earn over the years. Absolutely true and how well you have analysed to bring the topic to an acceptable conclusion. Felt nice to read this one.

wildflower said...

Love is narcissicm! That's wht scares me..
you sound real & nice as always!

Anonymous said...

love marriage = no paani puri!!!!
(amazing funda)
love can be unconditional too - wthout any reason or expectation, and that happens when one blinded by love..

Anonymous said...

please check this
http://svraman24.wordpress.com/2009/02/19/love-and-lingerie/

Anonymous said...

Love is Blind...i.e. Love is blind to everything ELSE...its not literal...it means when you're in love you're completely blind to anything other than the object of your affections...and trust me...there does exist such passion...and True Love...cos Cliches are Cliches cos they're true aren they?

Deepika Munot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deepika Munot said...

You have put a whole new face to a very old concept!! But yes now that i think about it, love gets blind over a period of time if you have managed to sustain your relationship over a period of time. You do not see the paunch, the receding hairline, the misshappen figure, the lousy habits. All you see is our need for that person in your life. The lurch in your stomach at the thought of something happening to that person. Yes love loses its eyesight over the years!! :)

Anubhuti said...

Things I absolutly agree with -

1. A woman buys lingerie for herself, to look and feel beautiful. It's also a self indulgence, also, many women love to brag about it with fellow women.
2.If you really love someone, you can never force someone to be with you. You will let them be.
3.There is nothing like love at first sight, it's just Physics, Chemistry & Biology in action

But Mr Ghosh, why do you want the lingrie brands to go bankrupt ??