Thursday, August 08, 2013

The Return Of Ganga Mail

It doesn't seem so long ago -- though it is: almost eight years -- when every evening, after getting back from work, I would ask myself: So what do I blog about tonight?

Invariably an idea would strike, and I would set about expanding on it laboriously. For company I would have music and whisky -- and always the gentle glow of the yellow lamp.

I would rarely finish before three in the morning, but go to sleep a happy man. What can be more gratifying than being able to publish your own writing -- instantly, uncensored, unedited. When I woke up six or seven hours later, I would open the blog the first thing and check for comments. Even if there were a couple of them, my day would be made. They made me feel accepted.

Those were happier days. I had dreams, but no responsibilities. I had ambitions to be a writer, but no commitments to deliver manuscripts on time. I was single, carefree. My mother was alive; I lived in the protective shade of my parents -- and since they lived far away in Kanpur, it also meant a lot of freedom.

Blogging gave a new dimension to that freedom by letting me have my say -- on a range of subjects I felt strongly about -- without my worrying about how many people would read me or what they would think of me. The whole process of transferring your thoughts onto the computer screen, in an engaging manner, was highly gratifying. The comments were an icing on the cake.

I distinctly remember one night: there was no power at home when I got back from work, but I still wrote a lengthy post, finding my way around the keyboard with the help of the light generated by the laptop screen. Those days, the modem would work even during powercuts, so I was able to publish the post too. I could have waited till the next evening, but I had urgently wanted to say something. What was it that I had to say so urgently, I don't recall; all I can say for sure is that the urgency was self-imposed.

Tonight I miss the old me, the reason being that someone, of late, has been reading my old posts and leaving comments on them. Since comments get notified on email, I happened to click open some of the old posts and was surprised, rather horrified, that it was me who wrote them -- how could I write on subjects such as sex? But I had always written the truth, or what I thought was the truth -- then why should I blush reading the old posts?

Maybe because I am much older now; I was 35 and single when I started the blog, whereas I am 42 now and the author of two books -- what will people think of me? Moreover, there is now Facebook: one no longer feels compelled to transform a one-line thought into a 400-word post. The thought becomes status message.

But let me not forget that I belong to Ganga Mail as much it belongs it me, and that I owe my identity to whatever I have written on it so far. The idea, therefore, is to resume writing on it without worrying about what people will have to say. I really don't give a fuck -- so why pretend that I do?

15 comments:

Paresh Palicha said...

Welcome back! This is the awaited event in the recent history (BG returning to Ganga Mail in a serious manner). :) And, I do give more than a F...K about what you feel about certain things. :)

Anonymous said...

Oooooooooo ho! finally! hugs :)

Udaya said...

This post just made my day!! Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

hi sparkling man... i am slightly disappointed with u.... when i went through ur blogs recently, i was totally happy reading it because, i could identify myself with every bit of thought u had given birth in your blog.... and i admired you for having expressed what u felt,truthfully,sincerely and openly. such things i can never dream of expressing with my own identity.u were so brave... but then, now, u too????? r u worried about ur image (especially about sex and women ) as u r climbing up the ladder.. common SM i am sure u will have hundreds of admirers like me who wish to express but could not...
-sam

Khalid Abdullah Khan said...

I can understand very well and relate to your post. It happens to me too, when I desperately look for ideas to blog about and post with a sense of urgency, that is nothing but self imposed urgency. Expecting to see more and more original, unedited and unsensored stuff from you in the days to come.

Ms S said...

What a comeback!!! Hope to see more from you. Keep posting..

sethuramansundar said...

nice post

Anonymous said...

Good to see someone who I used to know far back. It's almost like turning around and seeing the station pass by while the ganga mail is speeding up.

Anonymous said...

hi sparkling man,, "I am too shy to express my sexual needs except on the phone to people i dont know " Garry Shandling American C
comedian...
all of us are like this...so it makes u different person from the crowd...
- sam

Anonymous said...

So happy.....Thats like our dear old BG! :)

Zig

Madhurima said...

It's good to see Ganga Mail back on track! it is this attitude of yours that makes Ganga Mail always and interesting read. Happy Writing :)

Rajeshwari said...

You are back into the groove....for a while I thought the flamboyant blogger in you had given way (permanently)to the published author.

Anubhuti said...

Mr Ghosh,with power comes great responsibility, doesn't it? Most of us tend to self censor ourself as we grow old, trying to abide by the rules of the society. In the process, we lose our identity.
Sex is a bad word, specially if married men & women talk about it openly. If they talk about other women/men, they are loose & immoral.
It's nice to go back to the WTF acctitude of the youth, once in a while. For you it may be 35, for me it was 22, that's when I got married & inflicted all kinds of self censorship !
Cheers to the return !!

Anonymous said...

Bishi really miss your blogs.......... welcome back.....hoping to see more write ups on the same lines of your real self.....

Wmd266 said...

every other day i ve been checking ur blog for a new post.
i thought u lost interest in blogging.
delighted to see u back in here.. looking forward to much more from u man...