Time was when I would sit in front of the computer, and eventually find something to say. Not that I had nothing to say: just that I would wonder which of the thoughts needed to be shared most urgently. I would sift through them while sipping my drink, and finally decide what exactly was churning my mind at the moment -- it could be a Sahir Ludhianvi song, or some childhood memory suddenly gushing up decades later.
These days, thoughts still run around in my head, but the urgency to share is no longer there. Most of the time I find telling myself: "So what? Who is bothered to read what I have to say about it?" That's dangerous for a writer: if the ability to think is his heart, the urgency to share is his lungs. The two have to function together. Sharing his thoughts is his breathing -- if he doesn't share, he dies. It is the fear of death that has made me sit here at 2 am, so that I could share something. But what do I share? There's nothing to share. Or maybe there's so much to share. As of now, I will sign off by sharing a few personal details -- trivia, thoughts and takes. It may or may not interest you, but it is the question of my survival:
1. I write with my left hand and wear my watch on the right.
2. I could be the laziest person on earth -- I type 1000-word stories/posts with the index finger of my left hand. But then, what is the hurry? The idea is to savour your thoughts, not gobble them up. Your mind dictating you words is different from your biss dictating you a letter.
3. I laught at -- and feel sorry for -- people who, against the 'My ideal match' entry in their Orkut profiles say, "Already married to him (or her)." What a lie!
4. I love my wife. I need to say this (and I really mean it) because some of you will misinterpret my previous statement. Yes, I do love my wife, but even she would laugh if I suggested that we are an ideal match. It is the things that we don't like about each other that bind us end of the day. In any case, I would get bored with an 'ideal match' sooner than the sun rose. But at times, you are compelled to use the word 'ideal', or else what will people say?
5. There is nothing called an ideal match because what is ideal today might be not-so-ideal five years hence. After all, it was a wise man who said that grass is always greener on the other side. Actually, even a child knows that. In the initial days, you are blind to the greenery. After that, you pretend not to see the greenery. But finally, you say, "What the hell! I am gonna hop over." And then you hop over, only to find the previous stretch of grass greener. But too late. Tch! Tch!
6. I have immense respect for people who respect greenery -- be it on this side or the other side. They are the ones who have their cake and eat it too -- and you should envy them rather than bitch about them.
7. Maybe you envy them, that is why you bitch about them. Didn't another wise man say something about grapes?
8. My favourite actor today is Akshay Kumar. As a child, however, I loved Sachin (Geet Gaata Chal), then Rishi Kapoor (Hum Kisi Se Kam Nahin) and then Amitabh Bachchan (the list is endless).
9. I love Shakti Kapoor.
10. I love women (which man doesn't).
11. I love sex (which human being doesn't, though they'll say stuff like, 'But sex isn't everything.' Come on, give me a break).
12. I am crazy about women who hide their sensuality behind their glasses.
13. Women whose names begin with 'S' have mattered to me the most. Even now. Initially I thought it was a coincidence, but now I am convinced it is cosmic conspiracy.
14. If anyone supplies me with videos of all the studio recordings of Kishore Kumar and R.D. Burman, I would instantly lose interest in sex and spend the rest of my life watching those videos and converting people into watching -- and liking -- them.
15. Me, me, me. You must be wondering how selfish I am -- to be only talking about myself. But then, isn't this my blog? Similarly, isn't this my life? If you want to fit in, fall in. No arrogance here: there are times when I too give up being who I am in order to fall in line with you. End of the day, it is the matter of convenience, something like 'Your place or mine?' And you make such a choice not out of awe or kindness or coercion, but purely out of selfish reasons.
16. Stupid is the man who believes that he has successfully tricked a woman into the 'Your place or mine' situation. A woman makes up her mind long before a man's thought process would have even started rolling. But then, she chooses to let the man feel like a king. Do you still wonder why I like women so much?