Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Fidelity

I am not going to write about sex for a long time now. This I had to write because a question sits heavily on my chest and I need to offload it. The question, necessarily asked by women, usually the married ones, is: "What if the man gets to know his wife is doing the same?"

The reference, as you can see, is to men who have no qualms having an extra-marital fling or a relationship. In other words, men who sleep around. And the question is thrown at me because I strongly believe, as may be evident from many of my posts, that the instinct of getting physical with someone does not recognise the barrier of marriage.

Marriage is an institution, perhaps a sacred one; and we all know how boring institutions are, especially the sacred ones. If you went by marriage as defined by these righteous women, then being married is like sitting obediently in a classroom, staring at the blackboard and nowhere else. But wouldn't you also like to hang out in the college canteen and eye the girls?

The point is, it is impossible not to succumb to outside charm if there is a functional brain in the head. It is very human. Men who claim they 100 percent faithful to their spouses are either lying or haven't had the opportunity or are scared of being caught. And women who claim their men are 100 percent faithful are either lying or ignorant.

Scared of being caught: if that's what prevents men (or women) from straying occasionally, I would still consider it as infidelity, because the mind has already strayed. In fact, fear of being caught is, according to me, the biggest reason for spouses remaining loyal, especially in a society like ours where people are nosy. Another reason is love: if you love your wife, you don't really fool around. But every once in a while, the head and the heart refuse to listen to each other.

How a man finds a way out between his urges and fears -- it is entirely upto him. Discretion helps a lot. But those who have to do it, do it anyways. Now, what if they find that their wives are doing the same? When this question is usually thrown at me, the woman on the other end perhaps thinks that I would be stunned, and that there would be lots of background music, Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thhi-style, and that with my head hanging, I would realise my folly and come to senses.

The answer is simple: if the wife wants to be upto something, she will be. The fidelity of her husband will never be a factor in deciding whether she should succumb to the charms of another man. There might be other factors though -- such as the fear of getting caught, or people talking about her, or simply excess love for the husband. But just because a man is loyal is no guarantee that the wife will return the favour.

In my experience, most women who love the attention of men and like to spend time with them are the ones with sweetest hubands -- men who eat on time, sleep on time, make love dutifully on specified days of the week, and buy gifts for their wives and take them on annual holidays.

Women whose husbands are the opposite, the wild sort, spend most of their time keeping their husbands in check -- they are so occupied keeping other women at bay that they are completely oblivious of other men. Even if the other men were to shower attention on her, she would not indulge them, because she knows how terrible insecurity is, and she does not want to subject her husband to the same. Most often, they are the ones to throw the cliched question: "What if the wife did the same?" The question, perhaps, is born out of insecurity. Those secure enough, meanwhile, have all the fun.

Having said that, let me also add that sex, like death, is beyond analysis. You never know how it happens, when it happens and, where it happens.

Before I finish, a few things I did not know about sex but got to know this evening, thanks to Cosmopolitan magazine. Such as:

-- Men as well as women take 11-12 minutes to get aroused.

-- A woman's libido begins to drop once she is in a secure relationship.

-- Vaginal exposure to semen could help improve your mood.

-- The average length of soft penis is about 3 to 4 inches. The average length of an erect penis is about 5 to 6 inches.

-- Women fantasise more during sex than men.

-- Sex reduces joint pains.

-- Women are more likely to lie about their sex lives.

-- Weight-loss increases the apparent length of the penis. For every 35 pounds lost, you are longer by an inch.

11 comments:

Shek said...

men can not stop looking at other women and women do look at other men. They may do it in their sub-conscience as their minds are slaved by the ghost of the sacred institution of marriage.

If women accept this fact of men, they will realize that it is normal and usually a passing phase unless you are married to Don Juan DeMarco! Plus, they get to keep their men aroused for marital 'bliss' (legal sex) which is probably a more important part of today's marriage than accepted to be.

Men, however find it hard to accept their wife looking at other men. Too much ego!

Anonymous said...

'But just because a man is loyal is no guarantee that the wife will return the favour'...true indeed...been there experienced that...broke up with her...Hell with the bitch!!! Nice post by the way!!

Anonymous said...

what's new about the write up?
someone's getting too inspired by cosmopolitan!!

Anonymous said...

may be your perceptions are shaped by the life you lead. you are a minority, the educated, urban, sexy class.

marriage is not sacred in villages. quite often both stray and keep living.

the middle class has so many categories.

one thing is true, no one can, even the greatest saint, can rein in his mind. mind will stray. sex being an primal instinct, may be the instinct also favours your theory.

but, i think its still possible to sleep in the same bed with women and actually sleep :-)

Anonymous said...

Anon just 'fore this note,
You are so on top of it!! Besides the time share deal that you are talking about, in some farm areas, they may also be affectionate with their own farm animals. Boundary condition analysis comes so naturally to some of us, don't it ?
hopikrishnan

Adithya said...

Bang on! Perhaps you should also explore and write about the angle where women uncannily prefer men who are desired by other women. A sort of, 'see I have what you all want'. I have met many of this sort who are perfectly fine with their men bonking other women provided they come back to the nest when its all over. Lucky bums wouldn't you agree?

Adithya said...

P.S: I just realised that if I loose all my weight, I can grow my you know what by over 6.57 inches!!! I could run for world record then :))))

Anonymous said...

Well Mr Ghosh, how about you look at another angle to this theory you've got on fidelity. Women with husbands like you will definitely go out and make them-selves infidel to save themselves the hurt that comes with knowing that they have a unfaithfull husband and believe me I know many such women who would love to lead a loyal, meaningfull life with their husbands and suffer when they come to understand that it is not possible with this category of men you so non chalantly advertise and go out and defy the word fidelity with a vengeance.
Then you have the sobbing and drunken husbands who wonder what turned their simple loving wifes into bithces and shrews who could walk out on them even if they were in their death bed without so much as a second glance hand in hand perhaps with a "supposedly" faithfull guy.
However hope that does not happen to you some day as Im quite sure you would not have married the weepy, doormat kind of a women from the little I understand of you from your writing.
Just a feminine point of view...

Anu Russell said...

interesting

Anonymous said...

As a woman who did not worry about her husband straying (why would he?) and who never considered straying either (once saw a guy who I immediately knew to stay away from and did), I do not believe people refrain from straying only because of fear etc. Sometimes it is out of commitment. They signed up for marriage and all that it is supposed to entail. Is there no other person in this world male or female who believes in real love, the kind of legends? I still do even though my 22 yr marriage has shown me my s/o does not, but that is him and not me.

Lovin' Life said...

You sound like a bitter idiot. There are plenty of men and women out there who don't cheat out of respect, self-dignity, friendship, love and pure intelligence... the same way you wouldn't talk shit behind your best friends back without feeling like a jerk. The thing that separates us from animals is that we have common sense, logical thought and willpower. This (you little scientist you) is called evolution; the same way we don't need our tonsils anymore. We don't go around screwing who ever we want using instinct as an excuse when it is obvious we have evolved into clear thinking individuals. All I've gotten from this article is that you would cheat, and have probably been cheated on... a million times. Women are just as tempted as men, love looking at beautiful men and have ten times more opportunity... so stop trying to make this just a man thing... you just want an excuse to whip out your tiny little friend. Typically people who cheat are insecure as well as emotionally and mentally immature. If it is instinct to cheat then why do humans also have such strong instincts to be jealous at the idea of it? Why aren't we wired to be ok with it?? You talk of ignorance yet you are ignorant to act as though you know how every man in the world thinks and acts when really it is just how you and whoever you associate with think and act. You are not some sort of stray dog or wild gorilla, you're a grown man... supposedly. For humans sexual appetite is no different than hunger. If you're Grandma is making dinner for you and you happen to pass a restaurant that smells and looks good you are able to use your willpower as an intelligent human being to keep driving b/c you know you will get a delicious meal later and you don't want to ruin your appetite. Similarly, if you pass a girl who looks and smells good you use your willpower and intelligence to look out of appreciation (the same way people admire BMWs) but then go home and fuck your wife as to not ruin your relationship. Most people don't cheat, not b/c they are scared, but b/c they are a decent human being with a conscience who doesn't want to feel the horribly guilt every time their significant other looks up at them with trusting unknowing eyes... and they feel this horrible guilt even though they know they won't get caught. Ever think of that?? No you didn't b/c your way of thinking is similar to a truck driver who frequents glory holes.
p.s. - fantisizing about other people is not cheating you mental case... you have mommy issues