Thursday, April 05, 2007

Love

As kids when we learn grammar, and when the English teacher tries to explain abstract noun, the first example that he or she usually hands out is 'love'. Something that is there, but still not there. You can't touch it or see it, but you live it, live on it and, even, live off it: Sahir and Majrooh and Gulzar would have remained anonymous if not for love.

But the question that torments me is: how honest is love? Wish there was a loveometre to measure the honesty and intensity of the emotion when someone said "I love you".

I have said "I love you" hundreds of times because that seemed to be the most appropriate thing to say. Either as habit or as part of natural progression of a long-drawn conversation (running into days or weeks) with a woman. Not saying that would have made the situation awkward. After all, only in paid sex can you dispense with those three words.

I have said "I love you" dozens of times because I really felt like saying it -- sex or no sex. There are people you grow with and suddenly, one fine morning, you realise they have become part of your habit. In effect a part of you. If what you feel for them can be called love, then the declaration has 80 percent honesty. Not 100 percent, because there are likely to be other people you love the same way.

I have said "I love you" to my girlfriends because that's the done thing. Not saying those words at appropriate moments would have meant serious trouble. That holds true for my saying "I love you" to my wife. Now wait a moment. I really, really love my wife, and I am not saying this to save my ass in case she reads this. And she loves me too.

I have, however, never felt "I love you" gushing up my chest. It happens quite effortlessly in movies, but in real life, I guess it would take a great deal of effort to be in a situation where you could feel love throbbing like your heart. Such as taking the plane to Brazil. Suddenly the plane hits a tree and you find yourself thrown out into the Amazon forests. In the forest you spend months among animals and tribals whose language you obviously don't follow. And then one day, a man walks into the hut you are living in. He looks just like you and he speaks Hindi! What is the emotion that will overcome you? If you can describe that emotion, then you will know what it means to say "I love you" with 100 percent honesty.

10 comments:

sidhu said...

yes sir you are right. consider this situation when the guy says

i love my girlfriends & my wife loves her boyfriends

way to go!! hai naaa

Anonymous said...

Yeah, in some cases, one doesn't need to say "I Love You". Some realtionships are far beyond words. A simple phrase like "forever by the Ganges" would do.

Very nice post!!!

Endevourme said...

first time here! came from shankari's
very different writing style here though
yup!, keep posting :D

Friendship said...

Elizabeth Barrett Browning to Robert Browning:(1806-1861)

And now listen to me in turn. You have touched me more profoundly than I thought even you could have touched me - my heart was full when you came here today. Henceforward I am yours for everything....

wildflower said...

"i love you" is a tough job,n i curse all the flirts i came across!!!

anjy's world said...

Bish, one dosent have to wait to be lost in the Amazon for a Hindi speaking man/woman to turn up to understand the concept or feeling of love. You can say and completely mean those three words, when the very person for whom you feel that way, is trying real hard to get u out of his life. Love and the feelings associated with it are never, never dependant on it being returned. it is not gratitude, not expectation...its simply and purely a state of mind. the gushing, thumping feeling you mentioned can be experienced even in pain...in fact it is that very pain that makes you realise what love is...and it is defnitley not momentary. it can be a long, continuous process.

dharmabum said...

its mostly always honest. only, u gotta read between the lines too, coz it also means 'please love me'

Gayathri said...

Hi,
Happened to wander to your blog and did not realise how quickly two hours had passed by...i was so immersed in reading and enjoying your written words.

By the way, here is a rather different and probably, an intellectual take on love....from Ayn Rand's, "We the living"

“Kira, the highest thing in man is not his God. It’s that in him which knows the reverence due a God. And you, Kira, are my highest reverence…”

Anonymous said...

love is walking in the mall together with sholders brushing lightly and wishing the day would never end.......

Amrita Sabat said...

it boils dwn to trust. the power(i found no better wrd) to judge/trust the sincerity of d person who sez 'i lov u' lies in d hands of d person who is being told so.